Breaking - The home of local thespian Wil Wheaton who played Wesley Crusher in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was broken into late last night by a prowler whose identity is currently undisclosed.
"I don't know how he got in," Wheaton explained, "He was dressed all in black and wore a mask. He stood at the foot of the bed reading these weird tweets from twitter, I guess."
Police say a cell phone was recovered at the scene with the Twitter app open to reveal a satirical hashtag #spacescreech. Among many offensive tweets include, "When Wil Weaton fucks the NRA the terrorists win." and "Zounds! Herein Wils of Wheaton fucketh doth the NRA!"
Wheaton also commented "There was something about his voice, he left a strong impression of Patrick Stewart," Wheaton's Star Trek co-star.
Wheaton's dogs then attacked the man and knocked him to the floor. "We have three pit bulls who are fiercely loyal to a fault." As the dogs tore into the man's flesh Wheaton recalls "He struggled to look into my eyes and told me 'Why can't you shut up?' I don't even know what the hell he's talking about."
Wheaton then pulled a gun from his nightstand and executed the intruder with a bullet to the head. "I had to put an end to the madness. There was no other way. I am willing to stand before my creator and answer for every one of my actions." Wheaton then ended the interview with a quote, "Anybody fuck with Snoop Doggy Dogg I'ma make these niggas put his name on the wall."
The investigation is still ongoing.
Related -
Micheal Moore Accuses Wil Wheaton of Abandoning his NRA-fucking Principals
Star Trek actor Patrick Stewart found missing
Wil Wheaton's new book "Respectfully, No I Will Not Shut Up"
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